Quick Movie Reviews

Here are some quick reviews on few movies that don’t warrant the full service:

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. It was silly and boring. The crisis was completely implausible. I know it’s a family movie, but that doesn’t mean you get to ignore good story development. Hank Azaria is always fun, but even he couldn’t salvage this one. Biggest irk: Where were the guards? This was the Smithsonian! How could the main characters wreak so much destruction and make so much noise with nary an alarm? There weren’t even any pedestrians or cars driving by? C’mon. The special effects were cool though. 2/5 Stars

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.I’m not sure why I wanted to see this one. I should’ve known the chauvinistic attitude of the lead male would annoy me! Plus it was entirely predictable. (I know, I know. How could it not be?) I couldn’t stand the characters, and I didn’t find anything about Chauvanist Guy the least bit attractive or sexy. Ew. 1/5 Stars

Soloist. I know everyone loved this. And it’s not that I’m not concerned about social awareness and caring for the least of these. But I’m tired of all the dredging up of random true stories for the sake of reality movies. We don’t have to make a movie about everything! I was bored. I’m sorry, but I was! 2/5 Stars

Duplicity. The best part of the movie was the fight at the beginning between the two corporate stuffed shirts! Otherwise it was another one of those pointless movies. Seriously, all the (rather boring) events in the movie from start to finish led to nothing. Why? You can do that with a TV show, but not with a movie! 2/5 Stars

Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I love Kevin James. He’s hilarious, and he’s got that adorably nerdy handsome thing going! But they showed all the funny parts in the previews. The story was implausible–and just to clarify, I have nothing against implausibility if you make it entertaining. I’m sorry, but this wasn’t. The bad guys weren’t even scary, and all their acrobatics were out of place. 1/5 Stars

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Long and boring and selfish and sad. 2/5 Stars

Bedtime Stories.I keep trying to like Adam Sandler comedies, but they’re just not funny to me! (Except Happy Gilmore, that one was hilarious.) This one had so much potential! Sadly, it went nowhere. 2/5 Stars

The Day the Earth Stood Still. I saw it and I barely remember it. Something like, “Oh humans: Be good and kind, and/or save the Earth or we noble aliens will take it away.” Blah blah blah!” 2/5 Stars

Madagascar: Escape to Africa. I didn’t think the first one was all the great, and this one was slightly below the level of the first. 2/5 Stars

Blindness. Oh my gosh I couldn’t stand this movie. It was one of those artsy fartsy deals where they try to make some kind of statement about the condition of the world or some hazy crap like that. Or maybe it was just garbage with no purpose, and the artsy fartsy thing was an accident. It just dragged endlessly on … I didn’t even watch the end, I couldn’t take it anymore. Ugh. 1/5 Stars

Movie Review: Terminator Salvation

It’s the latest installment in the Terminator series, and it’s been worth the wait!

Unlike the others, this one’s set in the post-Judgment Day-future. The world as we know it is gone, replaced with a barren, destructed, monochromatic scape. Pockets of survivors are hidden among the rubble, led by John Connor (Christian Bale), whose wealth of knowledge and encouragement (through covert radio broadcasts) serve to strengthen and unify the survivors–the “Resistance.” 

Connor learns he’s second on Skynet’s hitlist, bested by a name unknown to anyone but Connor and his very pregnant wife Kate (Bryce Dallas Howard). That name is Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin). Kyle is still a teenager; he’s never met Connor, and he’s surviving in Los Angeles. In the meantime, Skynet is working on a new way to infiltrate and destroy its human enemies: terminators that look like humans (the Arnold model). They’re capturing humans for experimentation, and the breakthrough is on the horizon.

In the meantime, Connor and Reese are about to be connected by a stranger named Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington). Marcus is strong and determined, and he seems like a good ally. But Marcus is also connected to Skynet in a way even he doesn’t realize.

This movie was absolutely stunning in every way. The special effects were gorgeous, but seamless and integral. They simply fit, and they helped to create a tragically believable post-nuclear 2019. The acting was top-notch for the most part (Common was … well, common), and it was impossible not to care for the characters. There was action from start to finish, but it didn’t outweigh the story. In fact, although we already had a general understanding of the back story thanks to previous movies, TS did an excellent job of filling in the details. Plus we were introduced to a number of cool new terminators! There were even a few bright spots of levity, when some of the catch-phrases we’ve come to know and love from earlier Terminator films were casually thrown in.

I especially enjoyed the way this movie respected and connected the historicity of the other movies. For example, Connor often listened to his mother’s cassette tapes for information about Skynet and the war; at one point he looked at the polaroid picture of Sarah captured in the first movie. And Connor still has an uncanny gift for manipulating technology, just like he did when he was a bratty kid in T-2. There’s even room for the story of T-2 to have been established through the story in TS.

Terminator Salvation is the best movie I’ve seen in 2009. I highly recommend it, and I can’t wait to see it again. But before I do, I need to watch the first three movies back-to-back!

5/5 Stars

OMIGOSH IT’S TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

Derwin and I went to see the new 007. The most exciting part of the movie was when they showed the preview of the new STAR TREK movie that’s coming out in ealry 2009!! It looks FREAKIN’ AWESOME!! As soon as I realized what it was, I promptly lost my mind. I had to force myself to calm down and stop grabbing random people’s arms in witless, violent excitement.

I went online and looked for the latest opinions on the movie. I discovered I’m not the only Trekkie geek who’s thrilled about this PHENOMENAL news!

If this movie isn’t as amazing as I’m anticipating, bitterness may cause me to turn to a life of crime.

Quick Movie Reviews

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve reviewed anything! No matter what’s going on in my life, I have no right to keep you from being as fully informed on my movie criticisms as possible. Forgive me?

So let’s play catch-up:

Burn After Reading | Since I just saw this one last week, I’ll give you a little more depth than the rest. HORRIFYING! They should have burned it before distributing. Incredibly stupid and pointless. I kept waiting for the movie to really start. It was just so stupid. As my husband and I left the theater, we heard another couple say, “That’s 2 hours we’ll never have back.” Ditto, my friend. 0/5 stars

National Treasure: Book of Secrets | Boring. 2/5

Fool’s Gold | Boring. I just always expect more from those two, and I never seem to get what I expect.  2/5

Be Kind, Rewind | Strange, funny at times. I like Jack Black and Mos Def. So for their sakes I’ll be slightly more kind than I ought. 3/5

Definitely, Maybe | Um. Interesting? In a sad, funny way. 3/5

The Spiderwick Chronicles | Cool for older kids on up. A little not true to the book, but that’s not unusual. 3/5

Drillbit Taylor | Just as stupid as you’d expect, but I those nerdy kids grew on me. 2.5/5

Never Back Down | Bad. So bad. 1/5

Nim’s Island | Cute and funny, great for kids. 3/5

CJ7 | Strange. Maybe because it was foreign, but I thought they were just too cruel to that poor creature. And it was so crass! I liked Kung Fu Hustle much better. 1/5

What Happens in Vegas | I. Freakin’. Loved. This. Movie. I know, it surprised me too! But I really did! 5/5

The Forbidden Kingdom | Worth about 25% of the $2 I paid to see it. And that $.50 was for the excellent fight scene Jet Li and Jackie Chan. 1/5

Indiana Jones | Did I already review this? If not, it was sad. 1/5

Wall-E | Frickin’ awesome! 5/5

Kung-Fu Panda | Jack Black makes this movie! Hilarious? Did I already review it? I’m bad with names … 5/5

27 Dresses | Forgetable. 2/5

The Queen | Interesting. 2.5/5

I’m sure I saw others. Maybe I’ll do another catch-up soon!

Movie Review: Hancock

I haven’t done a movie review in months! I’m back, but only a little bit.

I didn’t like Hancock.

It started out so well! The always bankable (and incredibly cute) Will Smith made Hancock someone you wanted to root for. The first half of the movie was about how Hancock was more of a pariah than a hero. His drunken attempts at helping were often more costly than the damage inflicted by criminals. Yet almost overnight, with the help of Ray (Jason Bateman), his new manager and friend, he turns his life around and becomes the hero we all hoped he could be.

This part of the movie was the best part. However, since it only took up the first half, it made the movie seem rushed and clumsy. I wish they’d taken the entire 90 minutes to develop the story and the characters, to make all of it more believable. The transformation was too quick, too neat and tidy.

The second half of the movie is when it crashed to its untimely demise. It’s when we learn Hancock’s true identity (although we never learn his real name), the source of his strength, and his weakness. But there were many questions that had no answers, many clumsy references that had no foundation.

***SPOILER ALERT***

For one, the whole situation with Mary (Charlize Theron) was confusing, and their relationship wasn’t believable in my opinion. When Hancock moved in to kiss her, I was shocked! I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t want it to happen, and I was horrified by the entire scenario. And why did she change into revealing leather clothes and put on two tons of black eyeliner when she showed up at his trailer?! How … typical. How expected. Blah.

Plus, the “bad guys” didn’t cut the muster. I mean, who were they? They got a combined 10 minutes of screen time, and absolutely no development. They didn’t scare me; they didn’t even warrant my full attention! They seemed like a non-issue to me, no threat whatsoever. I was a little annoyed when they showed up again. And how did they escape from prison?! Gimme a break! 

***SPOILER ALERT END***

Finally, there was so much needless cussing. I don’t inherently hate cussing in a movie, but this one went overboard–even my husband complained!

Overall I was so very dissatisfied. The story had so much potential, but it fell far short of everything it could’ve been.

I give it 1 out of 5 stars.

Catch-Up

Hey y’all. W’sup.

I know I’ve been underground lately. Sorry. Life has been sort of marching on, and I’ve felt like I’m working too hard to keep up with the daily grind to dedicate any brain power to blogging. Sad, I know. Forgive me.

So here’s what’s been going on:

1. My oldest son graduated from high school. I know, right? I’m way too young to be the mother of a high school graduate. (Anyway, that’s what I keep telling people.) When it was Kyle’s turn, I remembered a moment from when he was about 18 months old. My mom used to get him ready for me before school and send him out when she was finished. On this particular day he strolled out of my mom’s room (with his cute little baby legs) wearing a little white turtleneck and bright blue overalls. His hair was freshly brushed and his face freshly lotioned, so he was all shiny and clean and adorable. And to top it all off, he was carrying a huge Red Delicious apple that was too big for his little hands. I took a mental picture of him that morning, and that’s the picture that popped into my head as my GROWN MAN bopped across the stage and took his diploma. Sniffle.
2. My mom and dad just left from a week-long visit. They came down from Massachusetts and enjoyed the freakishly hot Carolina weather. They also spent an inordinate amount of money on their kids and grandkids. I also had a rather frightening realization while they were here: They’re getting older! My dad drives like an old man with a hat. (Everyone knows if you get stuck driving behind an old man wearing a hat, you might as well take your foot off the gas and add 15 minutes to your travel time. I thank my aunt, Gilli, for this proven wisdom.) ‘Course, he does wear a hat … and he’s got grey in his mustache and beard. What the! They’re not allowed to get old. I’ll have to send them a memo.
3. My parents are now Wii-addicts. I never thought I’d see the day my parents would station themselves in front of the TV and play video games as the day wiled away. But this day (and a couple more like it) arrived this past Wednesday. Like any good dealer, I offered to let them test it first. “Just try it; I think you’ll like it, but if you don’t, we’ll turn it off.” Suckers! Within 15 minutes my mom was like, “This is FUN! We need one of these for the boys!” [i.e. the grandkids back home.] Meanwhile as my mom’s playing tennis, my dad’s all, “You’ve got to use your backhand,” etc. I just sat back and watched as he was sucked into the allure of Wii Sports Tennis. Before long he too was a Wii-head. The best part was making their Miis. They looked just like them!
4. In fact, I’m addicted to making Miis. I’ve made Miis of all my co-workers. I’m having trouble with April’s, but everyone elses look just like them. Giggle!
5. I’m taking this ministry course that at first I wanted no part of. It’s about joining people in their pain so you can minister to them. It’s also about recognizing our own junk and learning how to unravel it. Now, I’m no counselor and have no desire to be, so I didn’t want to take this course. But after the first class I was blown away by all I learned and very excited. However, after the second week I’m ambivalent again, though for a different reason: I have junk. I’ve worked very, very hard to avoid that junk. I built a fortress around it, locked it up and hid the key so carefully even I didn’t know where it was. And now, with this course, God is like, “Oh wait … here’s the key! Yeah, I’ve had it all along, by the way. And … we’re tearing down the fortress.” Greaat.
6. We went to see Kung Fu Panda. SEE IT! It’s hilarious! Plus I love Jack Black, so.
7. We went to see the new Indiana Jones. Um … wait for Network TV on that one.
8. We went to see The Incredible Hulk. Um … wait for it to come to the dollar theater.

Anyhoo, I’ll write again soon, promise!

Movie Review: Vantage Point

This movie is about an assassination attempt on the US President, from the perspective of several eye-witnesses and key players.

Dennis Quaid is Thomas Barnes, a secret service agent who saved the president’s life some months ago. He’s back on the job now for the first time, and he’s a little jumpy. The president is set to make an appearance at a rally in Spain, but just as he takes the platform two shots are fired at him. The rest of the movie is about the period of time about 20 minutes before and about 20 minutes after the shots are fired, as seen from the vantage point of Barnes, a spectator with a camcorder (Forest Whitaker), a Spanish police officer, and others. As each layer of the story unfolds, the movie would literally rewind back to a certain point before the shooting, so we could see what was happening from each character’s perspective.

Honestly, the first couple rewinds were sort of boring. But then they started to pick up–something would happen, I’d learn a new detail, and now I was on the edge of my seat! But as the movie marched on, I kind of knew what to expect. By the end I was disappointed.

In addition, the court finds Forest Whitaker guilty of overacting! Early in the movie my husband said, “Who’s that excited about using a camcorder?” I defended him, explaining that he was about to see the president and he was in a foreign country to boot! But by the end, he had gone way over the top. Derwin and I made fun of him in the car after the movie, pulling child-like/goofy faces and stammering excitedly, “Wow! Look at that man walking! It’s all so thrilling!”

It looked good for a minute, but in the end I felt let down. I give this movie a 2.5/5 stars.

DVD Review: Why Did I Get Married?

Tyler Perry’s latest effort stars some pretty major hitters, including Janet Jackson, Jill Scott, Malik Yoba and Michael Jai White. It’s probably one of the best movies he’s made so far, in my opinion.

The story is about four married couples and their struggles. One couple deals with the workaholism and differing life goals; another is battling alcoholism and control issues, besides a troublesome ex and infidelity. Another couple is dealing with serious emotional abuse and infidelity; and the final couple is trying to overcome the pain of losing a child. These four couples are long-time friends who come together regularly to ground their marriages–working out problems and encouraging each other.

The issues in each marriage seemed realistic, and their stories gripped me and drew me in. Each relationship was dealing with problems we might recognize in a friend’s marriage, or in our own. Each couple dealt with their problems in ways many of us might–be they right or wrong. Some of their situations seemed hopeless.

However, the movie concludes too easily. In fact, this is my biggest gripe about it. For example, one of the characters has a drinking problem. It ends with her deciding she won’t drink anymore. That’s just too easy! Another finds love after her husband left. She says she’s not bitter toward her ex, but her actions and behavior say otherwise. Her failure to truly forgive, and to recognize and deal with her bitterness, could be a whole ‘nother storyline!

Overall the movie started well. But for a movie like this–which purports to tell the couples’ stories in a dramatic and realistic way–the microwave solutions at the end were a turn-off.

I give this movie 2.5/5 stars.

On My Mind.

I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind lately. I’ve wanted to blog about it, but I wouldn’t know where to start or how to finish. So I’ll just give y’all the highlights.

1. In my “On Music” page, I wrote about how I struggle with vanity. I ended my essay with a scripture from Romans. But I recently learned something that showed me I’d totally missed it. Not everything, just the last part about how I’ll always struggle. I was wrong. I’m glad God is gracious! I’ll be rewriting that soon.
2. I finally admitted to myself that I don’t like someone. It was a relief to admit it to myself, because I’ve finally put my finger on that niggling in the back of my brain.
3. Now that I know I don’t like this person, I’m not sure what to do with it. What are my responsibilities here? Can I separate my dislike from the way I treat this person? I must. I refuse to be anything but entirely gracious and kind–without being fake. I can do it: I’ve been mostly doing it up to now, I just didn’t realize it because I didn’t know I didn’t like this person until this week. 
4. I missed Unite the other day because I was getting my hair braided. (Dang it!) Are my priorities wrong? No … it just took longer than I thought, and you can’t walk out of a salon with one tuft of unbraided hair. Well, you can, but then you have to reschedule for the rest, and what if that costs extra? (Micro-braids are expensive.) And what if they have no openings for two weeks? Then either I look like a unicorn for two weeks, or I have the black woman’s equivalent of a comb-over. Both options are scary.
5. Should I watch fewer movies? I flipping love movies. I probably watch about 5-7 movies a week (old and new). Is that a lot? (Sigh. I already know the answer.) Can you love Jesus and watch 7+ movies a week?
6. More to the point, where’s the “line” with movies? I used to draw the line at rated R, but there are really good movies that are rated R. There are really bad movies that are rated PG-13. I have left movies (or shut them off) because I (think I) am mature enough to gauge which movies are right for me to watch and which aren’t. I know when the line has been crossed.
7. Or do I? What if the line is moving backwards a little more every day, and I’m not noticing it? Newman!
8. I love my husband. Many have been reading my Exhuming My Talent series, and they probably think I hate him. I used to (hey, just being honest). But God does miracles. I believe that. I’ve seen it. He resurrected my marriage from hell. And today, I love my husband so much it’s kinda weird. (I’ll conclude that series soon. It takes a lot out of me to write each article.)

Yeah. That’s enough for now.

DVD Review: The Jane Austen Book Club

I was shocked at how much I loved this movie!

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Jane Austen stories (Pride and Prejudice in particular). So any movie with her name in the title means I’m obliged to rent it. Even if they’re using her name to entice people like me, which is what I suspected when I succumbed and added it to my Blockbuster queue.

But the movie slowly and carefully told a lovely story about a group of women (and one poor guy) who get together to read Jane Austen’s six books. Each of the group’s members chose which book discussion they would lead, and the group read one book per month. So over the course of six months we get to see how these people’s lives progress. That alone was gratifying: So many movies nowadays seem to take place over the course of a day or so, and in that narrow space of time people are “falling in love” or having sex or what have you. As if life moves that quickly! (And if it does, it shouldn’t!)

Anyhow.

Sylvia (Amy Brenneman), who’s been married to Daniel (Jimmy Smits) for years, is devastated when he leaves her for another woman. It’s right around this time that Sylvia and her daughter Allegra (Maggie Grace) join the book club.

Bernadette (Kathy Baker), a single older woman who’s been married and divorced several times, meets Prudie (Emily Blunt), a young high school French teacher in a disappointing marriage, while they wait in a movie line.

Jocelyn (Maria Bello), a dog lover who’s never been married, meets Grigg (Hugh Dancy) in a hotel where he’s attending a science fiction convention. Jocelyn is determined to match him with Sylvia. But Grigg likes Jocelyn …

I absolutely love how Sylvia’s, Prudie’s and Jocelyn’s stories resolve. They work out just the way I hoped they all would, even though sometimes as I watched, I was afraid things wouldn’t work out. I guess I thought my hopes for these women were too “conservative.” Most movies are about the quick fix, about doing what feels good, or about rushing into things and putting your “heart” above all else. Bah. Garbage! That’s not real love. I’ve known real love, and it doesn’t look like the drivel they put in movies today.

Anyhow (again).

This movie ended just how I would’ve liked. I was pleasantly, happily surprised! I shall have to read the book now.

I’m a little surprised to be doing this, but I’m doing it. I’m giving this movie 5/5 stars!