The Truth about The Truth

A few years ago I used to be an avid listener to Hank Hanaagraf, the Bible Answer Man. I don’t listen to him anymore, because he reminds me of an agoraphobic. But there’s one thing he said that I still think about now and then. He said people considering giving their lives to Jesus Christ should be “fully informed” first. I’m not saying I agree with him (or disagree either). But I can see why he’d say that.

Before I got saved, I knew close to nothing about Jesus. I knew He had some sort of relationship with God; I knew He was perfect. I also knew I was going to hell because I’d had an abortion. I woke one night from a vivid dream about my baby, and I saw my room engulfed in flames. I thought hell was a foregone conclusion; I didn’t know Jesus could save me.

When I did get saved about 7 years later, I was of course grateful to be rescued from hell. I was also under the impression that the abortion was the worst thing about me–and now that I was forgiven of my one and only big sin, I could move forward gleeful and happy and spreading the love of God throughout the land, la la la.

I think maybe people who aren’t Christians equate salvation with putting on rose-colored glasses. The world now looks to them like this bright and happy place; life is easy, and blessings rain from the sky or pop out of crevices in the ground. Your troubles disappear, and The Genie in the Sky God will give you whatever you pray for.

But I’ve been thinking lately. I’ve been considering the truth about The Truth, and it’s this: Salvation is more like taking the rose-colored glasses off than putting them on. Or better, pre-salvation is like having cataracts and believing, “The way I perceive myself and the world is exactly how it is.” Then salvation is like having surgery to remove them. But instead of taking away the cloudiness all at once, it’s being removed in microscopically thin layers. And the more you see of the world … the more you see of your own reflection in the mirror … the more horrified you are. You thought you were gorgeous; now you see your face is covered with warts. It always was.

Before I got saved, I didn’t think much about the world or my place in it. I thought I was a good person, a decent person, compared to other people. Outside of the abortion, I thought I might’ve made it into heaven. Today I own His forgiveness and Heaven has been promised to me. But I know now–and more and more every day–how thoroughly wrong I was about me. Instead of comparing myself to others, I see myself in comparison to God. The result is that I’m far less good than I thought.

Frankly, I am not good at all. I am not lovable. Would the people I love, love me if they really knew me? I don’t think they would. Yet I desperately want someone to know me and love me anyway. I want it, but I work hard to keep anyone from knowing me. Because they won’t love me if they do. It’s pretty stupid.

Jesus is the only one who knows me and still loves me. It just can’t be true, even though I know it is. But it makes sense if you think about it: Someone would have to be perfect to love another unconditionally. This is a precious fact. He’s the only place where real unconditional love exists. I keep forgetting though. It’s pretty stupid.

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8 thoughts on “The Truth about The Truth

  1. Linzy says:

    First of all, thank you for always being so honest. Every time I talk to you or read one of your blogs, I feel like I learn a little more about life, myself and you. I love the fact that you are real and that you’re not afraid to voice the nitty-gritty questions we’re all thinking. I’ve never thought about looking at Christianity that way, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Being a Christian does not mean that you automatically get a “Get out of Jail Free” card and $50 rebate to escape life’s problems. If anything, I think it can be worse, because unlike non-Christians, we have to figth against living for the world and all the fleshy “fun” that comes along with it. I have thought the EXACT same thought so many times myself: “If anybody REALLY knew me, they wouldn’t like me.” Only I didn’t really believe that God liked me either. Who could? Like you, I’m dangerously, disgustingly, messily un-perfect. What’s to like about that? I am so glad that I get to “do life” with you. I really am. I really cherish the time we can get together. I always walk away being reassured I’m not a total idiot or loser. And even though I kind of am, God still loves me anyway and I’m not alone! Be encouraged. I love you.

  2. timglass says:

    I was deeply touched by what you said.

    I’ll leave you a link to take a look at. My story is at my blog as well. There are people out here that already love you, you just don’t know them yet. 🙂

    God bless you on your continued journey!


  3. Tracie says:

    Aw, my Lindsay! You’re such a sweetheart, and one of my favorite people. It’s a joy to have you in my life.

    And Tim, thanks so much for your kind comment and the link. I look forward to reading your story.

  4. […] I caught this post late in the week by "Frankly […]

  5. hi, Tracie:

    I’ve been out of pocket for a while. You’ve probably read some of why on my blog (which I’ve changed, by the way. It’s now Anyway, I’ll get my link up to you from the new site soon. Meantime, did you ever finish the story of how God saved your marriage? I haven’t read a blog in 6 weeks and want to make sure I didn’t miss it.

    Holiday Longing

  6. Tracie says:

    Hey HL! Yes, I knew about the change, and I updated your link on my blogroll a couple days ago. I haven’t updated my story … it takes a lot out of me, and I’ve been feeling pretty shortwinded lately when it comes to writing. I’ll get the next episode up soon.

    Glad you’re back!

  7. Chris says:

    In my experience, I had to learn to see the real value of my being a child of God and the value of my deeds as a faulty human being.

    It’s almost like a kid with disability. The parents give and show their unconditional love and support yet it’s still tough for the kid to feel validated as he/she still has to deal with the real world, the society he/she belongs to. Of course, he/she is a kid that’s why it’s tough. But when the kid grows up and learns to build some confidence, life gets a little better eventually.

    But then again, when do we ever grow up? Never! And that’s the awful truth. We can only be thankful that regardless of how we feel about ourselves, there’s a God that is sure to love us unconditionally til the end of time. And with that, I find my peace with being an unworthy sinner.

  8. pennymaxwell says:

    What???? You are not perfect?? Well that just burst my bubble!

    And what is this about Linzy being your favorite?? I thought I was! Sheez!

    Love you Frankie, you are still one of my favorite peeps! (even though you dont comment on my blog any more!!)

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