In my last EMT post I shared how the Holy Spirit invited me to walk down the dark tunnel. I feel like talking about that some more.
When I got saved, I was already a wife and mother, so I was pretty set in my ways. I’d gone all my life knowing little or nothing about Jesus or God. I had prayed before; I believed in God; I just didn’t have a relationship with Him. After I got saved, I had this rosy picture of who He was and of what life would be like from that moment forward. All daisies and skipping, la la la. (I stole that from Prodigal Jon, it makes me laugh every time.) This picture, of course, is inaccurate.
I don’t mean to say that the daisies are all dead or something. They’re there, but sometimes you can’t see them because it’s pitch black where you are. And God is there too. Daisies and God, in the pitch black darkness.
I maybe know what you’re thinking, because I thought it too: God is light. He’s good and holy and perfect. He cannot exist in darkness. The darkness gives way to the light. Et cetera. And these things are true. So when He said I would find Him in the dark, I was in quite a conundrum. My body was at odds with itself: My mind argued convincingly that it wasn’t God, that self-preservation was my highest priority, that the hell I was living was better than walking into a dark unknown. But in my heart I knew it was God’s voice I’d heard, and I knew exactly what He was asking me to do: Trust Him … with no reassuring daisies and cheerful sun to tell me I was going the right way.
Seriously, it was one of the most scary, gut-wrenching decisions I ever made, but I chose to follow His voice into the dark. I was terrified. But God really was there, and He took my hand and led me through the dark to the light on the other side. Today I’m living in a future that wouldn’t exist had I gone the other way. I mean, my marriage, my children, my husband: Our lives aren’t perfect, but they’re so good, so much better than they were. What if I’d said no to Him? Man … our lives would suck. I mean it.
So, sometimes God’s in the dark, and if you want Him you have to just go there. Okay?