I have been increasingly frustrated with how very differently men and women view sex. I frequently remind myself, “Men are just different. They think differently from women. That doesn’t make them bad, it just makes them different.”
I still believe that’s true. But today in particular I am sick of different. Not just because he’s different from me, but because I’m different from him. That means it occasionally seems impossible for either of us to see things in any other way besides from the inside of our own eyes, our own differently-wired bodies. It’s like there’s a language barrier or something.
I’m at the end of my rope. I feel this pressure to be a certain way, to think a certain way, to behave a certain way … the way a “good wife” should. That pressure causes me to react badly. I push, then I pull; I feel sad, then I feel angry. I feel frustrated, then I feel resigned. I’m passionate, then I just don’t care anymore.
It’s all well and good to know we’re different. But today I want to know why. I want to know how we get past it. I’m tired of pat answers and pithy sayings. I’m tired of diplomatic, politically-correct responses. I’m just tired of it.
Of course, as I’m writing this I’m wondering, “What will people think?” I’ve edited many times, I admit. The only reason I haven’t dumped this entire post is that I don’t want to avoid something because I’m afraid of what people will think. It’s impossible that I’m alone in my frustration. I can’t be the only woman who loves God and loves her husband and wishes there were a simple answer to this issue. (But even if I am, then so be it.) This is my real life. This is me, speaking frankly.