Remix: Out of Control

This is a remix of “Laundry Ruminations: Control or Out of Control?” (Summer 2008).

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One day as I was doing laundry, I started thinking about cake, frosting, cookies, chocolate and other delicious gooey things.

Then I thought about the passage I’d read in the book of Romans about a month before. In it, Paul said we should give our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. To me this meant (among other things) I should let God control what I eat. This lined up with what I’d felt God saying to me for awhile. Thing is, I hadn’t been sure I wanted to give Him control, because He wouldn’t want me to eat cake with two inches of frosting. (Maybe occasionally, but not 2-3 times a day as I’d prefer.) This irritated me. Why shouldn’t I dang well eat whatever I want? Why doesn’t God want me to have any fun?!

So I’d rebelled. I didn’t quit going to church or anything; I just started eating like a pig. I couldn’t bear the thought of God saying I couldn’t have a Sonic Fried Ice Cream shake, so I shut off my filter and ate as I pleased. I wanted control of what I put in my mouth.

One day someone brought brownie bites to class. When I saw them I said, “Aw, who did that? Oh well, I have no choice …” A classmate said, “Yes you do have a choice!” I quickly popped one into the mouth. “Oops, too late!” I joked. But it was true: in the face of brownies, I didn’t feel like I had a choice. After class I took two more on the way out.

So that day as I did laundry, indignant with my Father over cake, I had a ridiculously obvious revelation: I didn’t have control. I’d been so determined to have it, but I’d given it up to brownie bites and things of that ilk. BROWNIE BITES. How was I in control if, whenever I saw cake, I had to eat it? If I was so much in control, then what happened to my ability to choose, to say no?

Then God asked me why I was I fighting Him so hard over garbage? It looks and even tastes good, but it’s not good. Seriously, whose health has ever been vastly improved by cake? Has anyone lost weight on the Cake and Frosting Diet? Whose cholesterol level has dropped thanks to sugar? I’d fallen for old lies: my way was better than His, and He wanted to ruin my fun. The result was an old deception: I was out of control because I’d willingly given it away.

FRICK’N DEVIL!

Junk food is a huge temptation, putting a wall between me and God. So I can tell myself I’m in control when I’m not, or I can let God handle it. When I crave junk, it helps to remember that it’s garbage. (“Filth” as Dr. Rubin calls it.) My Father wants what’s best for me. It’s stupid to put garbage ahead of life.

And that lesson applies to much more than junk food.

Laundry Ruminations: Control or Out of Control?

This is a post about overeating. But it applies to lots of things. My husband pointed that out.

A few weeks ago I was doing laundry, and I was thinking about cakes, and frostings, and cookies, and chocolate, and other delicious gooey things. As I had done many times over the past several months, I felt resentment toward God when I thought of these foods. Why? Because why shouldn’t I dang well be able to eat whatever I want? Why doesn’t God want me to have any fun?!

Let me explain: In May I was reading the book of Romans, and I had just read the part where Paul encouraged us to give our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. I reacted to that passage in my diary, interpreting it to mean, among other things, that I should turn over control of what I put in my mouth to God. I wrote that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. (I was just being honest.) Because then He won’t want me to eat cake with two inches of frosting. Well, maybe occasionally, but not 2-3 times a day like I want to.

Thereafter I’d been rebelliously eating like a pig, because I wanted to eat whatever I wanted, without anyone–not even God–telling me otherwise! I couldn’t bear the thought of God saying I couldn’t have a Sonic Fried Ice Cream shake. I didn’t want to deny myself. I wanted control of what I put in my mouth.

A few days before the laundry ruminations, I’d gone to my counseling class and there were brownie bites on the table. When I saw them I said, “Aw, who did that? Oh well, I have no choice …” One of my classmates said, “Yes you do have a choice!” I quickly popped the bite into the mouth. “Oops, too late!” I said it all jokingly, but I felt like it was true: I had no choice. They were in my face! After class, I took two more brownies on the way out.

Back to the laundry. As I was putting the detergent back on the shelf, filled with indignation toward my Father, I had a ridiculously obvious revelation: I didn’t have control. I’d been so determined to have it, but I’d totally missed out on the clear truth that I’d given it up. And worse, I’d given it up to frickin’ brownie bites and things of that ilk. BROWNIE BITES! How am I in control if, whenever I see cake, I have to have it? If I’m so much in control, then what the hell happened to my ability to say no?

Then God asked me a simple question: Why was I fighting Him so hard over garbage? Those things look good and taste good, but they’re NOT good. Yet I’d fallen for the lie that my way was better than His and that He was just out to ruin my fun. The result was that I was out of control, having given it away to a deception.

FRICK’N DEVIL!!!

The fact is, I cannot control myself when it comes to junk food. For me, it is a HUGE temptation, and it has the potential to put a barrier between me and God. So I have only two choices: Tell myself I’m in control when I know dang well I’m not, or let God control it.

Plus it’s been very helpful to remind myself when I crave garbage, that it is–in fact–garbage. My Father wants what’s best for me, and in asking me to eat better (which, if I never clarified, He has) He’s not trying to ruin my fun, but vastly improve my life.

See how that applies to more than overeating? Thanks, Derwin, for pointing that out.