I have only just now realized what is at the heart of loneliness. At least, it’s at the heart of my own loneliness.
When life sucks, sometimes you need someone to talk to. But sometimes you need someone to hold you–really hold you–while you sob and snot everywhere. Right now, I don’t want to talk. I am particularly missing a chest to sink into, and arms to cradle me.
Friends, good friends, are wonderful things. I have good friends. But I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend with whom I could cry and just be held. I’ve never had a girlfriend hold me. (I don’t mean hold my hand or encircle my shoulder, but hold me. Say nothing, do nothing, just hold me until I’m all cried out.)
Right now, a good holding would be all the comfort in the world.
I never knew I would miss this until just now, when I need it and realize I no longer have it. And today, for the first time since the drama began, I feel lonely.